Oct 17th, Gomenasai
by FailingDemi
Summary: [Prequel to Bookcase Ghost, you won't understand until you read Bookcase Ghost] Oct. 17...Gomenasai, I should've knew. [Friendship]


A/N: Prequel to Bookcase Ghost. It's a dark side. I think this is what they call...whatever. Anyways. I'm dying over 'ere. Gotta sleep soon. Anyways. I was inspired by the song: Gomenasai from Tatu. It fits...really.

Anyways. This is unbeta'd, my beta is currently sleeping as I type. (Time differences) If I waited any longer, I wouldn't get it on the day I wanted to post it.

Reveiw, and goodnight.

Disclaimer: I don't own some of the song lyrics nor do I own Ouran Highschool Host CLub.

* * *

Oct. 17. Gomenasai.

_I thought it was a dream._

_-But it wasn't.-_

_I thought that it was just a hallucination…that you were just joking._

_-But you weren't.-_

_When you disappeared…_

_I should've noticed sooner. I should've saved you…_

_But I was too late…_

_I'm sorry for not knowing…_

_Tamaki…_

_I'm really sorry for not being there with you…_

* * *

'Bye, Kyouya.'

The voice echoed in my head. That was what you last said to me. Normally, you would dismiss me with a: I'll see you tomorrow, Kyouya!

That day was different.

That day, I couldn't shake off the strange thought that was weighing heavy in my thoughts. As of now, a heavy weight burdens me, as I stare out at the puddles that were forming on the ground. The rain pattered against the ground of Ouran, and I could still see your form sizzling in the rain.

_Oct. 17_

How long has it been? I still remember that day, Tamaki. Your smile is still clear in my head, but I guess it's just a self-want.

That day, I didn't understand. An idiot…that was what you were, an idiot. I didn't know why I was thinking of you so much, you didn't land a huge impact in my life. Isn't it strange?

I don't realize the importance of people…unless they're gone.

I can't believe…how sorely I miss you.

Right now, even though a year had passed since your death…I still wonder where you are. I have to punish myself. Why didn't I see what was wrong with you that day? I was Ohtori Kyouya…I was supposed to see into people. However for some reason, I couldn't see into you, I didn't notice what was wrong. You acted distant to me.

Suoh Tamaki.

That day when you were in a new mood. A different mood. A mood that even I considered strange. I didn't like it, and I tried in vain to see what happened. Perhaps, it didn't seem like I was trying. I wanted to.

But for a reason…

I couldn't.

I didn't find out what happened to you, and I decided to leave you alone.

I was so stupid.

-Why didn't I notice?-

Why couldn't I see that leaving you alone was a mistake?

Tamaki…you would always notice my problems and comfort me, no matter how much I loathed it. I hated it, and you knew that. But you kept it up, and I didn't complain.

-I hate it when I couldn't do the same to you.-

That day...when you disappeared. I couldn't find you. I was surprised when everyone at the school announced your disappearance. It was raining that day on October the Seventeenth, like today…

"_Tamaki, where are you?" a teenager huffed as he shoved open a door. Beginning of the search, he had a composed and calm mien. However, with each door that he opened, his expression started to crumble. There were no signs of his best friend. None._

_Kyouya ran into an open field and shouted around in the rain, "TAMAKI! ANSWER ME, YOU IDIOT!" _

_He gasped as he strained to listen for a voice. Anything. But all he heard was rain and wind,._

_Mixed emotions came onto his face. Pain, anger…and worry was reflected on his features. Kyouya seethed quietly, as he tried to control the wave of emotions building inside of him. He had been looking for two hours…a full two hours…with no signs._

_Kyouya bent over, gasping for breath. He had been running around in the rain and everywhere looking for his friend. At first, Kyouya hadn't taken the news seriously. He was sure that Tamaki had just gotten away._

_Now…he wasn't quite that sure about it._

_Nearby, underneath all the pattering rain, he heard very faintly…a roar._

_Kyouya's raven eyes widened in horror. He broke out into a run. _

'_Where is he?!' he asked himself, while running out of the school. He had abandoned his school bag and blazer at school, and didn't care about anything at the moment. His goal was to reach that area.. _

_Heavy winds blew at Kyouya, threatening to blow him over, but he didn't yield. _

I was searching. Looking for you. I can't possibly put into words how a mix of emotions drove me to search. The rain didn't stop me when I ran along the streets. There was the danger of mudslides, but I didn't care.

You were on my mind.

I didn't know why and how I led myself to the deserted field. Imagine my panic when I saw a heap of mud lying on it. I instantly felt that you were underneath all of that, and slowly you were dying. Our classmates were calling me back, saying that there would be another accident, and nature would take me with it.

_Kyouya instantly stopped when he confronted a field. It was vast and covered with a huge mound of mud, all of them originating from the sloping mountainside. His heart stopped as he stared at the heap that was unmoving. _

_What if...Tamaki was there?_

"_Tamaki!" he shouted, hoping for a response. He ran towards the midst of it. Kyouya flew onto his knees, as he determinedly moved aside broken trees and mud. People whom followed him called him between the roars of the wind and rain._

"_Ohtori-kun, please come back!" one yelled. Kyouya ignored her, as he scrunched up his t-shirt's sleeve. _

"_You idiot, don't die. Wait for me. I'm coming," he muttered, as his fingers dug frantically into the mud. Kyouya felt a stinging sensation in his fingertips. Before he got any farther, two pairs of arms pulled him away from the heap; Kyouya could see that his fingertips were coated with blood, mud, and rain. _

_The raven-head jerked forward, as he felt another surge in his body. "He's…calling for help…" he muttered, his eyes glued onto the surface where he had been. Kyouya's head jerked to the side to look at the people who held him, "Can't you hear him? Are you just going to let him DIE?"_

"_Don't…Kyouya-san," his classmate said in his ear. "Even if we could dig…we can't save him, it's too late."_

"_No…" Kyouya whispered as the rain continued falling. He felt his throat catch, and eyes water. He ducked his head, so that none could see his face. A tear slowly slid down his cheek and mixed in with the rain. "…we can't." _

Tamaki…

…I realized what happened. I knew why you acted like that. I knew why you ventured off into the rain. And I wish I knew it sooner…

You and I weren't expecting an accident that would cost you your life.

I wish I got to you before your death did.

Gomenasai…

For everything

I knew I let you down

…Gomenasai to the end…

…I never needed a friend…

…like I do now.


End file.
